Hunker Down

It would be really grand if someone would write a book on living with depression.  Not on coping or dealing or treating it - those terms seem to elude to the possibility of eradicating the condition.  But the truth is depression is a disease and no matter how well maintained, it is something that requires a lifetime of care.

And sometimes it just blows.  Some days just suck and there is nothing to be done about it.  Sure there are activities, holistic treatment plans and of course drugs that make it better but the reality of living with depression is that some days are hard, foggy, heavy, whatever.  Those stupid anti-depressant commercials are actually pretty spot on as far as symptoms go and sometimes you just have to hunker down and wait for the storm to pass.  And when you don't have a whole lot of time to begin with that can be the most infuriating part.

So please, someone, write me a book that talks about that.  Don't give me lessons on making depression go away. I know enough about treatment.  I am not curled up in the fetal position thinking I am going to die. We moved beyond that years ago.  And I know it is not 'me' but rather fucked up chemicals in my brain.  28 years in, I am well versed in the realities of depression.  Like diabetes, thyroid conditions, hypertension, whatever, it is just shit we have to deal with, facts of life we have to be aware of on a daily basis.  Life doesn't stop just because the bad days come.  There are still jobs to get to or classes to take, engagements to keep.

But when the bad days fall and my voracious appetite for life is reduced to dull hunger pains,  I wish someone could talk to me about living with the pain and the realities of waiting for the end of the hurricane.